Thoughts on Marriage

NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?


SAGE : Clever men don't BECOME husbands!


A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law `etter than I like mine."


WIFE : The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.


HUSBAND: Which is this?


NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner?


SPOUSE : Sure, what are my choices?


NEWLYWED: Yes and no.


The word 'stressed' makes perfect sense when you realize it is 'desserts' spelled backwards.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"


And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."


A young man was extolling the virtues of his beautiful fiancee. One of his closest friends said to him: "You can't be serious about marrying Sarah Jane!"


"Why", he asked. "She's dated every man in Phoenix."


The bridegroom-to-be thought awhile and then muttered pensively, "Phoenix isn't such a big town."


MRS MURPHY'S LAW: If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong when he's out of town.


A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"


This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So, in the morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"


Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.


A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here either."


A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"


The bum said, "No."


The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"


The bum said, "No."


Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"