This is how bad the economy is:

* My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
* Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
* CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
* A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
* If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
* McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
* Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
* Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
* A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
* A picture is now only worth 200 words.
* When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
* The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally….
* I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.