The True Meaning of Women's Ads

40-ish....................................49
Adventurer.............................Slept with all your friends
Athletic..................................No tits
Average looking......................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile....................Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated..........................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.................Medicated
Feminist..................................Fat ball buster
Free spirit...............................Junkie
Friendship first................Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................................Annoying
Gentle...................................Comatose
Good Listener........................Borderline Autistic
New-Age...............................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.......Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded..........................Desperate
Outgoing................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate..............................Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional............................Certified Bitch
Redhead.................................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque...........................Grossly Fat
Romantic................................Looks better by candle light
Social..............Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.............................Very Fat
Height/weight proportional.......Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate......................Stalker
Widow................................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. .......................Old bat