The Top 20 Signs You're Not at the Real Olympics

20> You're running the 100-meter dash against Scooby Doo and
Shaggy.


19> Budweiser bottles take their positions on the starting
blocks.


18> The Dream Team has Michael... but it also has Tito, Germaine,
Janet and LaToya.


17> Official Olympic program sprinkled liberally with poorly
typeset ads for Shorty's Ribs.


16> Banner reading, "Sponsored by High Times Magazine."


15> So-called Olympic "torch" closely resembles a Coleman
lantern.


14> Disproportionate number of athletes named Corky.


13> Opening ceremonies consist of tapping a keg and
releasing the weasel.


12> Swim coach insists you shave off *his* body hair.


11> Decathlete disqualified for not using a standard table
spoon in the potato relay.


10> Water tables along marathon route handing out shots
of  Jaegermeister.


9> Competing countries include Oz and the People's
Republic of Hawaii.


8> Rules of 400-meter relay require you to chase a
mechanical rabbit.


7> America's best hope for boxing gold?  Stallone and
DeNiro.


6> You're pulled out of the crowd to run the 4x100 meter relay
after the original anchor goes into labor.


5> Crack open that gold medal -- it's choc-o-licious!


4> 10-meter platform dive replaced with tire swing competition.


3> Alpha Theta fails in bid for fourth consecutive gold medal in
distance vomiting.


2> Winner of the long jump?  Not Carl, but *Emmanuel*
Lewis.


1> Basketball halftime score: Klingons 35, Romulans 32.


            
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