The Top 16 Worst Excuses for Being Late for Work

16> "Actually, I've been here for over 20 minutes, big guy -- I was
just out chillin' in the van waiting for the end of the live version of
'Freebird'."


15> "I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line
you're on."


14> "We're *open* on Tuesdays?!?"


13> "It took this long to get the ol' blood alcohol level down to
the legal driving limit."


12> "I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with
overwhelming aggressive impulsies by reassuring myself that nothing
would happen today that would push me over the edge."


11> "My proctologist got stuck."


10> "It was Senator Kennedy's turn to drive today, so I've spent the
last hour swimming."


9> "I'm late because I was on the phone trying to get *your* lousy
shipping department to send the company's office supplies directly to
the winner of my eBay auction."


8> "Hey, time becomes meaningless when you're as strung out on
crystal meth as I am."


7> "Sorry, sir.  I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job, a
windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss."


6> "Heidi Klum refused to untie me."


5> "On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man
comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-strength
anti-canker sore gel."


4> "I'm sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you -- uh -- this box
of ten donuts."


3> "It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain this
morning...  Sir."


2> "My dog ate my presentation, sir.  And by 'my dog' I mean
your wife, and by 'ate my presentation' I mean 'was boinking me'."


1> "These are not the 'droids you're looking for."


            
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