The Top 16 Signs Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well (Part II)

16> The ceremony is spoiled by the insistent beeping from the bride's ankle cuff.


15> You're forced to exchange vows from separate rooms because of that week-old restraining order.


14> The bride's father gets his feelings hurt when her pimp insists on giving her away.


13> Even though he's sitting in the front row, you still don't remember the Grim Reaper being on the guest list.


12> At the end of the ceremony, Reverend Jones proposes a Kool-Aid toast.


11> Your bride enthusiastically shouts, "I do!" Unfortunately, it's when the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage.


10> The ceremony starts in 20 minutes and you're still fighting over who gets to wear the dress.


9> "Do you take this man, Scott Peterson, to be your...."


8> When the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" crew shows up to help plan the upcoming honeymoon, your fiance becomes alarmingly smitten with Carson the fashion savant.


7> "Something blue" is Grandma. Better call 911.


6> After greeting your bride by name, the honeymoon hotel clerk asks if she wants the room for the whole night this time.


5> Something old? Check.


Something new? Check.


Something borrowed? Check.


Something blew? Chuck, the best man.


4> You spot Ron Jeremy sitting on the bride's side of the church.


3> The groom refuses to put on the ring on your finger, saying, "Not the Preciousssss!"


2> Saying your vows extemporaneously was going great until you drew a blank on a rhyme for "clitoris."


1> You can't seem to find your tuxedo pants. But even if you could, the wedding is in Nebraska and you're handcuffed to a dominatrix in Singapore.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]