The Top 16 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western (Part II)

16> "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"


15> "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."


14> "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."


13> "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"


12> "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"


11> "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"


10> "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."


9> "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."


8> "Who let the dogies out?"


7> "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."


6> "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"


5> "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."


4> "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"


3> "Dammit, Jake, yer an enabler!"


2> "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."


1> "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"


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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]