The Top 16 Changes at the White House Now That the Clintons have a Puppy

16. To avoid confusion, staff reverts back to referring to Madelaine Albright by name.


15. New "doggy door" makes it that much easier to sneak out a midnight run to McDonald's.


14. At long last, Bill won't have to flinch *every* time he hears "Bad boy."


13. President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else's yard.


12. "Bitch" label now somewhat ambiguous.


11. Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.


10. New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.


9. Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading "Bil kilt Vyns Fosdr!"


8. Shouts of "Come!" from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.


7. Chelsea drops to #2 on the White House Pug-Ugly List.


6. Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore's daily to-do list.


5. Roger Clinton no longer the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.


4. Cries of "What a dog!" no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.


3. To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.


2. "Get that horny furball off my leg!" no longer refers exclusively to the President.


1. Campaign donors staying overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom now find complimentary Tootsie Rolls on their pillows.