The Top 15 Shots Fired During the Presidential Race

15> "A vote for Bush is a vote for at least four more years before a
Bush twins Playboy pictorial."


14> "I understand why the senator is running for president. If I had
his wife, I'd run, too."


13> "Say, have you seen the ads from the 'Alabama Guardsmen for
Bush' group?  Neither have I."


12> "Of course he's in favor of gay marriage -- for Ralph, it
doubles his pool of potential mates."


11> "My opponent likes to compare himself to President Reagan, but
actually, he's more like Hoover.  Not the president -- the vacuum."


10> "Well *his* daughter couldn't get a lesbian lover with a
six-pack of Coors and tickets to the WNBA finals."


9> "Do the math: Both tall, both skinny -- and Senator Kerry has
never been seen in public with Osama bin Laden."


8> "Only someone who hates America could vote for a French-looking
peace protester married to an African-American woman whose children
were fathered by another man!"


7> "John is Theresa's *58th* variety, if you know what I mean."


6> "Do not be fooled by John Edwards' famous smile.  One time,
in Tennessee, he used it to grin down a bear."


5> "I can't say for certain if the bulge was a transmitter, but when
we shook hands my fillings started playing Bachman-Turner Overdrive."


4> "Hola, Hispanic citizens.  I warn you that if elected, Mr.
Kerry's wife will require him to change the name of your biggest
holiday to Cinco de Ketchup."


3> "How can we trust this man to defeat Osama bin Laden? He can't
even take on Mr. Salty without getting knocked unconscious!"


2> "My flip-flopping opponent has assumed more positions in the last
two weeks than Martha Stewart."


1> "Nearly 400 tons of explosives are missing from an Iraqi
ammunition dump that this administration failed to secure. We can't
even trust our president to take a dump!"


            
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[   Copyright 2004 by Chris White    ]