The Top 15 Reasons Top5 Has Never Insulted You (Part I)

15> We were waiting for the Supreme Court to tell us whether it was okay.


14> It's just too PC to use the group epithets that apply to you, you intellectually-impaired ability-challenged Irish-American person of alternative sexuality.


13> You never actually read the list, preferring to just skip right to that day's ambience.


12> Tom Ridge told us that if we insult you, the terrorists win.


11> Your inability to get past third grade left you too stupid to realize the redneck jokes are *all* about you.


10> Let's just say that owning www.chriswhitenude.com keeps the hounds at bay.


9> Because you're a spineless wuss who just sits there and takes it like the little prison bitch you are.


8> You've got more important things to worry about, seeing as how you haven't had a big hit since "Mandy."


7> You're one of the thousands of cowardly wimps who added your name to Top5's nationwide "Do Not Insult" list. Oops! Dammit, another fine!


6> All this time, you thought your favorite movie star's name was Paul E. Shore.


5> We tried, but apparently you missed our special "The Top 25 Things We Hate About Trek-Watching, SUV-Driving, D&D-Playing, Stamp-Collecting, Grit-Magazine-Selling White Supremacists" list.


4> Your favorite fetish is so utterly twisted, perverse and beyond the realm of human decency that, well, we enjoy it ourselves.


3> You've got unusually thick skin for such a little girlie-man.


2> We've placed you in the "attractive, but dumb enough to possibly agree to sleep with us" category and don't want to hurt our chances.


1> Not being Wiccan, you *have* a sense of humor.


[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]


[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]