The Top 15 Other Wacky Changes Proposed by PETA

15> Second-term presidents should be referred to as "endangered waterfowl."


14> Sports teams asked to use only free-range mascots.


13> Fishnet stockings should now be called "catch-and-release hosiery."


12> Change Iran back to Persia, have Thailand revert to Siam, and change Canada back to Tabby.


11> Carnival Cruises? Now they're Herbival Cruises.


10> "Beating your meat" now to be known as "petting your hand-raised chinchilla."


9> "Ladies and gentlemen, here he is! Live by the dashboard light... Tofu Loaf!"


8> Spam luncheon meat? No changes necessary until DNA tests are completed.


7> Reintroduce Wolf Blitzer into the wild.


6> The popular movie-actor-association game shall heretofore be referred to as "Six Degrees of Kevin Tofurkey."


5> "Easter keg hunts" sound like more fun anyway.


4> As part of their ongoing efforts to stop women from wearing fur, free Brazilian waxes for all!


3> Pamplona, Spain, will now host the Running of the Noses.


2> Tim Russert should be hosting "Tomato the Press."


1> Demands that other burger chains follow White Castle's lead in eliminating all meat from its products.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]