The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made

15> Put out a plate of Girl Scout cookies at her 11th birthday party, then told everyone she'd spent all morning baking.

14> Failed to have her people whack Cybill Shepherd before she could star in that terrible NBC biopic.

13> Dressed a 7-Eleven hot dog with Grey Poupon and mango salsa.

12> Didn't use the melon baller on her weaselly little stockbroker when she had the chance.

11> Tarragon in bouillabaisse? ARE YOU *MAD*, WOMAN?!?

10> On one occasion, in a momentary lapse, allowed her cold stare to rise to above 32 degrees.

9> Dedicated an entire show to sphincter-tightening exercises.

8> The Danvers Opening was expected, but then attempting to transform it into a Gunderam Attack was just suicide!

7> Sent a congratulatory case of champagne to Sammy Sosa when he hit his 500th home run.

6> Once disciplined staff with a white garotte after Labor Day.

5> Forgot that it's red wine with illegal stock trading, white wine with accounting fraud.

4> Giant floral centerpiece on her dining room table is made entirely of old, unpaid parking citations.

3> Accidentally voted for Buchanan in '00.

2> Spent many wasted years pining away for Richard Chamberlain.

1> Wore a camouflage dress to her high school prom.

[ The Top 5 List ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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