15> Oops! Looks like you got Travolta's body, too.14> The old owner never trimmed his nose hairs. But look on the bright side: The comb-over covers your bald spot.13> Uninsured patients all get generic yellow smiley faces.12> Despite your magnificent body, your husband is repelled by your five o'clock shadow.11> Cutting-edge technology, the most advanced facilities and the most accomplished surgeons in the world -- and when it's over, you'll *still* be an asshole.10> Looks like we'll be stuck with some form of Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers for another few centuries.9> Catch a doctor on a bad day and suddenly all those buttface comments aren't quite as funny, are they?8> The end of every Scooby Doo episode changes from suspenseful to nauseating.7> Yes, your monkeyface has been replaced, but some smartass surgeon gave you a gibbonface instead.6> That new face smell only lasts for a few months.5> If you happen to get one of Michael Jackson's old ones, you could never teach third grade again.4> Saving face now requires dry ice and extra attic space.3> Local punks keep stealing the jar by Eleanor Rigby's door.2> When you do a face-plant while riding your mountain bike, it's embarrassing having to send a Secret Service agent back to pick it up.1> You wanted Mary Kate, but dammit, they gave you Ashley! [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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