The Top 14 Signs Your Father is a Pimp

14> Your name: John


Your brother's name: John


Your other brother's name: John


Your sister's name: Trixie


13> Buys all his clothes at "Dennis Rodman's House of Cool-Looking Shit."


12> Current job: Head of the White House Intern Program.


11> Stubbornly maintains he got his pink Cadillac by selling Mary Kay.


10> Comes home from work grumbling about "that damn Roxy in the S&M Department."


9> When he's carving the Thanksgiving turkey, says, "$40 gets you the sweetest piece of meat you ever saw, man!"


8> Every time you breast feed, he takes $10 out of your college fund.


7> After you collect for your paper route, he demands his "taste."


6> Charlie Sheen is your godfather.


5> You're the only Scout in the troop whose Pinewood Derby car has ocelot seat covers.


4> His most common threat: "Don't make me slap you -- this is my day off!"


3> Like Ward Cleaver, carries a pipe. Unlike Ward Cleaver, shares his pipe with your aunts.


2> Enough about the stable already, where's the damn pony?


1> Every Christmas and birthday present: Another big-ass medallion.


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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]