The Top 14 Signs Your Coworker is a Spy

14> Silently weeps if you forget to turn off the music while playing Tetris.


13> The last sensation felt by anyone "borrowing" a pen is the quick sting of several tiny Punji sticks.


12> No one will carpool with him since that ejector seat incident.


11> He and his girlfriend Natasha keep threatening to "make big trouble for Moose and Squirrel."


10> His twin, who looks just like him except that he wears black, keeps coming in at lunch to booby trap his cubicle.


9> Always trying to convince you that Yakov Smirnoff is actually funny.


8> You could swear he used to look just like Sean Connery, but now he's the spitting image of Pierce Brosnan.


7> "I may ask; would you additionally like a packet of oil-fried potato slices, comrade?"


6> His shoe has a setting for either "Ring" or "Vibrate."


5> She taps that commie pen on her commie desk the same commie way EVERY FRIGGIN' DAY!


4> Last October you helped him ship out 750 boxes of old computer punch cards to addresses all over Florida and the "tip" he promised you was "dump all your stocks."


3> Suspiciously never complains about the temperature in the office.


2> He asks you to pull his finger -- until it clicks.


1> He introduces himself as "Bond... Jame-- Er, Finkelmeyer... Junius Finkelmeyer."


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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]