13> He's constantly mixing up with chemicals in his garage, but hasn't offered you any crystal meth.12> None of the other lawns on the block are bubbling.11> His archenemy? Bill Nye, the Science Guy.10> Whenever he starts his lawn mower, he shouts, "It's alive. ALIVE!"9> Your trash: milk cartons and pizza boxes. His trash: assorted body parts and radioactive waste.8> At the civic association meeting, his recommendation for dealing with cut-through traffic involves nuclear warheads and extortion.7> Most other condo owners don't get a weekly visit from a liquid nitrogen tank-refilling truck.6> Parts from all the dead pets you've buried in the back yard have been assembled into one big monster pet that's now terrorizing the neighborhood.5> First he shrunk his kids and now he must have aimed the thing at your genitals.4> She does have the best ideas at the neighborhood watch meetings, but they always involve hiring minions.3> Accidentally sent a probe to *your* anus.2> Always muttering something about those fools who laughed at him back at the academy.1> You caught his tomato plant in your yard nibbling on your daughter's rabbit. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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