The Top 13 Signs Satan is Your Gym Teacher

13> Tells everyone to "hit the inferno" after class.


12> Locker room smells strongly of brimstone.


11> "Remember, be sure to hydrate with a nice warm glass of goat's blood before you begin running your laps."


10> Three words: "Shirts and Skinned"


9> The only game he knows has only one rule: First you push the rock up the hill, then you push the rock up the hill, then you push the rock up the hill...


8> Mustache + field hockey stick = Average girls' gym teacher Mustache + field hockey stick + horns = Satan


7> Insists that you do chin-ups the right way -- with your eyelids.


6> Dodgeball involves a V8 Ram Pickup.


5> "Okay, Billy, I need *you* to pick two of your classmates to participate in the rope climb race. The loser dies."


4> "Behold as I produce the dodgeballs from my own body..."


3> He is completely red, has horns and a tail, and carries a pitchfork. Actually, these signs apply to any occupation.


2> Week 1: Aerobics and Weight Training


Week 2: Flames and Poking


1> Sign above the gym door says, "Abandon all hope ye who enter here. (No street shoes.)"


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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]