12> The only "General Lee" in his lectures jumps over creek beds to escape Boss Hogg and Rosco.
11> "Crimean, Korean, whatever -- we won, okay?"
10> Lessons always reflect yesterday's episode of "Sherman and Peabody."
9> "Yeah, right -- there were *two* President Roosevelts. Suuuuuure."
8> Devotes an entire week to the eerie similarities between JFK and Abraham Lincoln.
7> If Carmen Sandiego wasn't involved, he's never heard of it.
6> Invites his "Sigma buddies," Toad and Moochie, to help him re-enact the Whiskey Rebellion.
5> Refuses to teach about new-fangled things like the Internet... or Alaska and Hawaii.
4> Thinks the Bataan Death March is a Sousa piece played at halftime.
3> You're the only sixth-grade class studying the Battle of Hasty Pudding.
2> Claims George W. Bush won the 2000 presidential election.
1> He's teaching in a public school. Do the math.
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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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