The Top 12 Signs This School Year is Going to Suck

12> Not being allowed to wear your black trench coat means you'll have to try to look intimidating in a lavender ski jacket.


11> "Mike, report to Principal Kevorkian's office."


10> 10th grade sucked last year. 10th grade will probably suck again this year.


9> All the other third grade boys have a "Phantom Menace" lunchbox, but your mom decided to get you the more recent "Runaway Bride" lunchbox.


8> First-period P.E. with Mr. Torquemada and Mr. de Sade.


7> As you're escorted from the metal detector to the strip search room you realize that this was not the ideal summer to have all that body piercing done.


6> Five more years till you can do it with Ms. LeTourneau again.


5> Your mom's shopping habits, combined with a Sears clearance sale on Underroos, has left you in quite a locker room dilemma.


4> The female goatee just hasn't caught on yet.


3> Your long-planned Kansas State Science Fair project on Australopithecus is going to get you burned as a witch.


2> Thanks to Hollywood, warm apple pie no longer on cafeteria menu.


1> 1600 on the PSATs and a National Merit Scholar as a junior and nobody knows who you are, but get drunk and have sex with just *one* goat at a party...


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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]