The Real Meanings

-- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

-- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

-- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

-- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

-- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

-- Lymph (v.), to walk with a limp.

-- Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

-- Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

-- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

-- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 'Yiddishisms'.

-- Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.