The Legionaire and the Camel

This guy joins the French Foreign Legion and gets sent to a fort way out in the desert, several miles from the nearest town. There are only men at the fort-- no women. After a few months our legionnaire becomes rather desperate for female companionship, so finally he approaches the crusty old sergeant and confesses his desperation.

"Sergeant," he says, "I can't take this any longer. A man has NEEDS, ya' know! What do the other men do to relieve themselves of this terrible desperation?"

The wise old sergeant flashes an evil grin and says "But of course! It was only a matter of time!" He lowers his voice to a sly conspiratorial whisper and says "When ze men become truly desperate, zey use ze camel!"

"The CAMEL? That flea-bitten raggedy old sway-back CAMEL? That's disgusting!" lamented the legionnaire. "I could NEVER do that!"

The old sergeant simply smiled and said "All men come to ze camel in time. The desert is patient, and can wait."

Sure enough, after a couple of more months pass, the young recruit is beside himself with desperation. He dreams about women every night, and his days are filled with fantasies. At the height of his desperation, he returns to the sergeant and agrees to meet him in the stables at midnight.

"Come alone," says the sergeant, "and make no noise."

As instructed, the young legionnaire appears in the stables at midnight, where the wise old sergeant is waiting for him, with a bad tempered, fly blown, dung encrusted, ancient old camel on a short lead.

"I will hold ze camel's head," he said, "so she cannot bite you while you mount her."

The legionnaire did not reply-- he was too deeply embarrassed by the situation, but he decided to just get it over with and hope that afterward he would feel better and this would all seem more normal. While the sergeant held the camel's head in the darkened stable, he heard the young recruit position himself behind the camel. The sound of pants dropping to the ground reached his ears. The beast grunted and bawled as the legionnaire thrust and moaned behind it. Eventually the young man sighed. He caught his breath and adjusted his clothing.

"Thanks sergeant," he sighed. "That was pretty gross, but it helped a lot. I feel better now."

"Zat is good," replied the sergeant, "but I have never seen anything like that in my life! How could you do zat to zis poor old camel?"

"But you said all the men use the camel when they get desperate!" cried the abashed young recruit!

"Zey do," replied the sergeant. "Ze ride her to town, to meet ze women."