The Great White Hunter

A wealthy American man has retired and is entering old age. Fearing that he hasn't lived his life to the fullest, he decides that the first thing he will do with his funds will be to fulfill a childhood dream of his: to go hunting in Africa and take down a gorilla.

He promptly arranges a flight to Africa. When he arrives, he tells the locals his intentions of gorilla hunting and asks for their recommendations. They recommend he hunts with the famous "Great White Hunter," easily the best big-game hunter on the planet.

The man contacts the Great White Hunter and tells him that he wishes to hunt gorillas. The Great White Hunter tells him that this will be no problem, but that it will cost the man $1,000 per day. "Two hundred dollars for food and transportation," he says, "and two hundred dollars for each member of my crew: me, the [Watusi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tutsi), the dog, and the Pygmy with a gun."

The man decides that it is a fair amount of cash to pay and the next day he flies out to the jungle on a biplane to meet with the Great White Hunter. There they set up camp and sure enough, the Great White Hunter has with him a Watusi, a dog, and a Pygmy with a gun.

The American man, the Great White Hunter, the Watusi, the dog, and the Pygmy with a gun all head out hunting for gorillas early the next day. The Great White Hunter uses his famous skills and wisdom to track down a gorilla almost immediately. They push aside some bushes and, much to the American man's delight, they see a massive gorilla hanging out in a tree. The gorilla sees them and begins jumping on the branch, jumping on the branch aggressively.

Without hesitation, the Great White Hunter shouts a command to the Watusi, who sprints at the tree and climbs up to the gorilla's branch, and begins jumping on the branch, jumping on the branch alongside the gorilla. This carries on for nearly a minute before the gorilla begins to lose its balance. It slips and tumbles almost twenty feet to the forest floor. When it hits the ground, before it can do anything, the dog runs up and bites the gorilla in the testicles. The Great White Hunter then throws a net over the subdued Gorilla, and it's captured.


Later that night, the American man is going to sleep in his tent, a big smile on his face, happily reminiscing on the hunting trip. He'd actually seen and caught a Gorilla! Tomorrow more adventure was no doubt at hand. The Great White Hunter told him that he'd get to throw the net! That's when he realized something: The Pygmy with a gun didn't do shit!

The next morning, the American man, the Great White Hunter, the Watusi, the dog, and the Pygmy with a gun go out hunting again, and the American man vows to watch the Pygmy with a gun carefully to try and see what he does to help. Like before, the Great White Hunter tracks down a gorilla in no time. The gorilla, hanging out in a tree, sees them, and begins jumping up and down, jumping up and down on the branch. The Hunter shouts a command to the Watusi, who scales the tree to the gorilla and begins to jump up and down, up and down on the branch. The gorilla loses its balance and plummets to the forest floor, where the dog bites it in the balls. The American man and the Great White Hunter throw the net over the gorilla, and it's captured.

Once again, the man realizes, the Pygmy with a gun didn't do shit!

The next morning, the man, angry that he's paying so much extra money for a useless team mate, approaches the Great White Hunter. "Hey," he says, "I've been watching, and the Pygmy with a gun doesn't do shit! What gives? I'm not going to pay for him!"

The Great White Hunter calmly replies, "I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. He's an essential part of the team, always will be. You pay for the Pygmy, or we don't hunt."

The man begrudgingly accepts the Great White Hunter's ultimatum.

The man, the Great White Hunter, the Watusi, the dog, and the Pygmy with a gun all go out hunting again. It's not long before the Great White Hunter tracks down a gorilla, an especially big one, who begins jumping up and down, jumping up and down in his tree. The Great White Hunter shouts to the Watusi, who climbs the tree, climbs out on the gorilla's branch, and begins jumping up and down, jumping up and down on the branch with the gorilla. After about thirty seconds, however, the Watusi begins to lose his balance. He slips and falls! As the Watusi is plummeting to the forest floor, he cries out:
"Shoot the dog! Shoot the dog!"