The Drunk Ventriloquist

A Ventriloquist had given up on life and become a drunk vagabond, hopping trains and moving from town to town. One day he got off in a small town and on his way to the nearest bar he spotted a small dog in an alleyway. He thought, "Ah, perfect!", scooped the dog up and proceeded to the bar. Once inside he sat on a stool and put the dog down on the stool next to him. When the bartender turned to him the drunk ordered a beer and before the bartender could protest the presence of the dog he threw his voice and made the dog say, "I'll have one too!" Perplexed, the bartender poured two beers and set them in front of the drunk and the dog. The drunk drank his beer and when the bartender turned away, he quickly downed the dog's beer too. When the bartender came back to them the drunk ordered another beer and threw his voice again, so the dog ordered one as well. This time, the bartender unable to contain his curiosity and bewilderment, rubbed his head and asked, "Am I out of it, or is that dog talking?" The drunk ventriloquist smiled and said, "Yeah, he's been talkin' ever since he was a pup!" The bartender's eyes widened and he calmly asked the drunk, "Would you ever consider selling that dog?" The drunk frowned and looked at the dog. After a couple of seconds he replied, "Well, he means a lot to me and normally I would never consider it, but as you can see, I'm down on my luck and it may be the best for the dog, but I have to say that I couldn't take less than a thousand dollars." The bartender looked in the register and answered, "All I have is $500 now, could I owe you the rest?" The drunk frowned again, but replied, "I guess I don't have much of a choice. Ok, it's a deal!" The drunk finished his beer and left the bar $500 richer.

A month or so later, the drunk happens upon the same town and wanders into the same bar in a drunken stupor. He had forgotten all about the previous encounter, but the same bartender was there and recognized him instantly! The bartender walked swiftly over to the drunk and in an angry voice said, "You son of a bitch! You sold me that dog and he hasn't said a word since!!" The drunk ventriloquist all of the sudden remembered the situation and was quick to reply, "Really?! That's strange. Where is he? Do you still have him?" The bartender sighed deeply and said, "Yeah, I've got him tied up out back..." The drunk insisted on seeing the dog. Once out back, the drunk leaned down and rubbed the dog on the head and scratched behind his ears and said, "Hey! I told you that you had to talk for this guy just like you talked for me. What's wrong?!?" He threw his voice again and the dog replied, "I ain't sayin' nothin' till he gives you that other $500!!"