Why can't a clarinet player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start talking dirty, his voice cracks.
Why can't a French horn player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start making out, his hand goes to the wrong place.
What do you call a euphonium player who isn't part of a military band? Unemployed
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, one to hold it in place and the other to play pedal tones until the world starts to spin.
A 6th grader decides he wants to play tuba and his parents find a world-class private teacher who hosts hour-long lessons at his house. The first day, after the lesson, the teacher drives the kid home and he runs to his parents and says "I learned how to play the note Bb today!". The second day, the same thing happens but the kid had learned to play an F. The third day the kid doesn't come home. The parents wait until an hour after he was supposed to be back and call the teacher, asking where the kid is. The teacher replies "He's at his first gig".
How do you make a guitarist play quieter? Put sheet music in front of him.
What does a gig opportunity for a trombonist have in common with Christmas? They both only come once a year.
How do you know a singer is at the door? Can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune? Shoot one of them.
How do you get two oboe players to play in tune? Shoot both of them.
What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock plays four chords for an audience of millions, jazz plays millions of chords for an audience of four.
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