- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm - Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines - Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese - I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week - I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met - I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol - I intend to live forever - so far, so good - I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? - If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! - Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! - Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States - Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of - Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have - Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. - The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. - When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. - Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. - Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... - 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously >> overlooked something. - Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. - When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. - Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! - If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? - Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. - I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. - Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. - How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? - Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. - Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? - Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! - For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. - OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! - Black holes are where God divided by zero. - All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. - I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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