So you ask me, my friend, have I met Pancho Villa?

Well let me tell you.

I was riding my horse through the desert when I saw him: Pancho Villa. From a mile away I knew him. He wore a pair of leather chaparejos on his legs. On his head he wore a sombrero big enough to stretch from Oaxaca to Aguascalientes and back. But what caught my eye most of all is what he had in his hands: the big guns, both of them pointing right at me.

Pancho Villa called out to me. "Señor!" he called out. "Come down from your horse!"

I looked him in the eye and replied, "I come down from my horse for no man."

But what could I do? What could I say? When he had the big guns. So I came down from my horse.

Then Pancho Villa said to me: "Now, señor, drop the pantalones."

I said to him, "I drop the pantalones for no man."

But what could I do? What could I say? He had the big guns. So I dropped the pantalones.

Then Pancho Villa say to me, "Now, señor, you make a poop."

I say, "I make a poop for no man." But what could I do? What could I say? He had the big guns. So I made a poop like Pancho Villa said.

Then Pancho Villa said to me, "Now, señor, you will eat your poop." I answered, "I eat my poop for no man." But what could I do? What could I say? He had the big guns. So I began to eat my poop.

Then Pancho Villa let out a very big laugh. He let out a laugh so big and so loud that he frightened his horse. The horse reared up on two legs and Pancho Villa dropped the big guns. I ran to grab them, and suddenly I was the one who had the big guns.

For a long moment, Pancho Villa and I stared at one another, saying not a word.

Then I called out to Pancho Villa. "Pancho Villa!" I called out. "You come down from your horse!"

Pancho Villa gave me a stare that was colder than the snows of Orizaba. In a voice that was slow but determined, he snarled, "I come down from my horse for no man."

But what could he do? What could he say? I had the big guns. So Pancho Villa came down from his horse.

Then I said to him, "Pancho Villa, drop the pantalones."

He gave me a menacing look and said, "I drop the pantalones for no man." But what could he do? What could he say? when I had the big guns. So he dropped his pantalones.

Then I said to Pancho Villa, "Pancho Villa, now make a poop." He said, "I make a poop for no man." But what could he do? What could he say? I had the big guns. So Pancho Villa squatted down to make a poop.

"Now, Pancho Villa," I said to him, "You eat your poop." He replied, "I eat my poop for no man." But what could he do? What could he say? I had the big guns. So Pancho Villa ate his poop.

So, my friend. You ask me, have I met Pancho Villa? Yes, one time we had lunch together.