The bartender comes up to him and asks what's wrong. "I'm so wasted I just threw up all over myself! My wife said she would leave if I didn't quit drinking and when I get home, I'm done." The bartender says "I can help. Put a $20 in you coat pocket. Tell her you only had one beer, but a drunk idiot threw up on you and gave you the money to clean your suit. Crisis averted!" The guy says "ok" and goes home. Needless to say his wife was livid. He said "Honey, I'm not drunk, I only had one beer, but this drunk idiot threw up all over me, and gave me this $20 to dry clean the suit!" She said but this is a fifty!" He said "Oh, and I think he shit my pants too."
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