So my girlfriend was going away for a couple months so she gave me some scented candles and said "light these when you are thinking of me." So every time I would jack off I would light a candle. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't do what I do without lighting one of the candles.
Anyway the other day I went to the bathroom, lit a candle and started thinking of my girlfriend. Then the fire alarm went off and the flight attendant started banging on the door yeling "Sir you can't smoke in there!" To which I replied "I'm not smoking, I'm jacking off!" Well thats how I got kicked off the airplane, because at that time we were still on the tarmac. I can no longer fly British Airways.
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