...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.
She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her parents and grandparents had. I asked her what she ate on an average day, and she told me:
"Every morning when I wake up, I eat a breakfast of half a pound of bacon, four eggs fried in the bacon lard, hash browned potatoes, and cheese grits. Lunch, I mostly have chicken-fried steak smothered in sausage gravy, and for dinner I like to have BBQ rack of ribs with some apple cobbler for dessert."
"Wow, that's quite an appetite. Do you drink alcohol?"
"Hell yeah. I have a six pack when I wake up, a fifth of whiskey in the afternoon, and a few bottles of moonshine after the sun goes down, then a shot of blackberry brandy before bed to settle my nerves."
"How about smoking?"
"Well, I'm down to two packs a day now. I smoke reefer on the weekends, and like a cigar with my brandy before bed."
I was bowled over. "Amazing, Ida, I've never met anyone like you where I'm from. Can I ask exactly how old you are?"
"Sure, I'm twenty-nine."
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