Shlomo is upset...

he's at services, practically tearing at his clothes in anguish, when the rabbi (noticing his pain) comes to him after and says "Shlomo, everything is okay?"

With tears in his eyes, Shlomo turns to the rabbi and says "Rebbe, you remember when my son Benjamin went to the holy land?" "Oh yes!" says the rabbi. Then his face fell. "Something happen to him? Is he okay?"

"No, rabbi, no. But he comes back from the trip, and he tells me he is a Christian now!"

The rabbi puts his arm around him. "This is a terrible thing, Shlomo. But, I.. I hate aspersions to be casting here, but there are questions I must ask, nu? Have you been keeping bacon in your fridge, or had shrimp at a party? Perhaps not quite tithing everything from your business?"

Shlomo looks back at the rabbi, hurt. "I would do no such thing, and neither would his dear mother." "I know, I know" said the rabbi quickly, patting his arm. "But there are questions I must be asking. It doesn't just happen that a good Jewish boy suddenly becomes a Christian. Especially in the Holy Land! Let us go to the head rabbi."

So together they go and explain the whole business to the head rabbi, an ancient man known for his wisdom and learning. The man asks them both "Is there some rule you broke perhaps? Driving somewhere on a Saturday? Did you let him get a tattoo?" and the two men swear this is not the case and tear their clothes. The head rabbi says "this is a most serious case. I know of a man in Jersualem, a great great man who can speak directly to... (pointing upwards) but will only do so if absolutely necessary and all other avenues have been explored, which is why these questions I am asking. Shlomo, it will go very very badly for you if you are lying in any way, this is the only reason I am being like this."

So they all go off to Jerusalem to meet with the special, special rabbi. He solemnly starts asking the questions, and they say "look, the joke is already going on too long here, let's move to the punchline" so the rabbi goes "OK OK OK, you understand the questions I must be asking!" and they all yell "WE'VE DONE ALL THAT!"

So he puts on his special robes, lights the incense, does all the requisite things and enters the inner tabernacle and throws his hands outwards, calling out to God.

"I come to you today on behalf of our friend Shlomo, who is in terrible pain. His son came here, to the Holy Land, and became a Christian. The pain to his poor mother! Tell us, please, what for must we be doing?"

And this voice comes down from above. "**Me**, you are asking? Oy, vey....."