Shit Happens

TAOISM: Shit happens.


CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens".


ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)


JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it
really shit?


ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.


CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.


PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.


SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list.


ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.


UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.


RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.


JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?


REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?


MYSTICISM: What weird shit!


AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?


ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit!


NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?


AZTEC: Cut out this shit!


QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit.


FORTEANISM: No shit??


12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.


VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!


NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.


DEISM: Shit just happens.


EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.


SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.


CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.


BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.


SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.


HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.


WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!


HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.


THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens.


DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born.


SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.


JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.


MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.


HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.


BAHA'I: It's all the same shit.


STOICISM: This shit is good for me.


OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.


EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.


REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down.


FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.


CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.


EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.


DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.


RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.