Rules for Soap Operas (With Comments)

1. You always have to save someone's life, always. (If they are
going to die because they ticked off an explosives expert,
that's your problem. Not mine!)


2. The richest family in the world is always in your town, and
usually mad at you. (Funny, I've never met Bill Gates, or even
seen him!)


3. Never hesitate to take a vacation from work, they will always
find someone to cover for you, your reasons don't matter, and
you will never get fired. This applies to those times when you
need to skip town for a month because that bad guy is trying to
kill you. (Wouldn't that be nice???)


4. You are always the BEST at what you do and there is ALWAYS
someone out there trying to beat you. (That brings a whole new
meaning to arch nemesis for me.)


5. Someone is always trying to kill you or stalk you. (Only in
Brooklyn!)


6. It is possible to become a rocket scientist by the age of 20
as long as you are blonde and pretty. (I guess that explains why
I don't have a job!)


7. You can break into anyone's house within two minutes.
Experience with locks and security alarms/guards are never a
problem to get rid of. Dogs will always be distracted by a bone.
(Criminals, give all your compliments to the writers!)


8. For the men, a beautiful young girl will easily fall in love
with you, even if you are a bum. (Everyone has their good
points!)


9. No fat people exist. (I guess I should break out those
weights!)


10. Bad guys are always bad for no reason and have no
explanations for what they do, other than they are plain evil.
(Well that explains my mother-in-law!)


11. Vampires do indeed exist, and you are usually in love with
them. (Not someone I'd like to take home to Ma. But hey, that's
just me!)


12. To be in love, it isn't necessary to know anything about the
person. (A nice "What's your name?" isn't too much to ask for!)


13. "I love you, always." really means "I love you for today."
Which comes to a similar point, forever means until I find out
you're sleeping with my brother/sister. (My how time flies!)


14. Your mate is usually sleeping with someone very close to
you. (What is this? Jerry Springer???)


15. If you were a nerd, that doesn't matter! Your best friend
will style your hair differently and immediately make you a
hottie. (Did I mention for under $5?)


16. Think nothing of death. If your life is being threatened,
it's probably your time anyway. (Gee, that's nice to know!)


17. When someone holds your family hostage, do NOT call the
police. Instead, strap a lot of bombs around you and threaten to
blast the place to pieces! (Of course!!!!????)


18. You will always have an adventure with your crush. (Some
people have all the luck!)


19. Chaperones can always be tied up and forgotten about for a
couple days. (Why didn't I learn this before I turned 18???)


20. There is always a secret to hide. (A white lie never hurt
anybody!)


21. It is very easy to blackmail someone. Digging into their
past is simple with a few private investigators and remember,
there is always something to hide. (Blackmailing 101 sounds like
a waste of time after that comment!)


22. Mind control is simple and will work on anyone. (You are
getting very sleepy...)


23. The good guys always win. (That's a refreshing thought!)


24. It isn't necessary to change clothes. One outfit will last
you a week or so. (I'm not one to enjoy doing laundry, but isn't
that unsanitary?)


25. It is possible to get ready and get to your destination in
less than one scene with a new suit! (Approximately 5 minutes.)