Things I Have Learned From Watching Soap Opera

1. Everybody has a child that they gave up for adoption, or
don't know they have, appears one day out of the blue as an
adult.


2. 90% of the children are not with their biological parent or
parents. If you do have kids, they either die or get some
horrible disease that is "cured."


3. Don't bother getting married, its only going to last a year
anyway.


4. "I want to be with you the rest of our lives," means only for
the next year.


5. "That was a long time ago," usually means last week.


6. Don't get into cars. If you do, what ever you do, don't take
that seat belt off even for a second, since that is when the car
crashes.


7. If you do, don't get into arguments. The car crashes.


8. If you do, don't drive during storms. The car crashes.


9. If you do, don't be pregnant. The car crashes.


10. If you do, don't go near cliffs. The car falls off.


11. If you do, don't drink. The car crashes.


12. Don't ever believe that anybody is dead, even if you saw the
body.


13. The wrong person is ALWAYS charged with the crime. They are
always going to go to jail for the rest of their lives. When
they finally find the right person, they always get off somehow.


14. DO NOT GO TO THAT PARTY.


15. The new person in town is almost always nasty and is out to
destroy people.


16. Serious conversations are always conducted in public where
they can be interrupted, overheard and above all, misconstrued.


17. Getting the hots for someone means you are now in love (for
the umpteenth time) and want to spend the rest of your live with
them for the next year.