Not In College Anymore

The first realizations that you're not in college anymore


* You're waking up at 6 a.m. instead of going to bed.
* Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.
* College sweatshirts are "casual" instead of dress up.
* Your parents charge rent.
* Your parents walk in while you are having sex, not your
roommate.
* The five food groups are no longer beer, pizza, ramen, mac &
cheese, and cereal.
* It's "getting late" when it's 9:30 p.m.
* Three words: school loan payments.
* You make thousands of dollars a year and still can't afford
that dream Porsche.
* You start eyeing the Light Beer section appreciatively.
* Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in
the hospital by game's end.
* Discussing with your friends THEN: GPAs, phone rates, and
tonsil hockey; NOW: IRAs, interest rates, and their kid's
orthodontia.
* Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
* Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.
* Sneakers are now "weekend shoes."
* Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of
one.
* Your girlfriend being pregnant brings thought of tax deductions
instead of coronaries.
* Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.
* The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.
* The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now
remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.
* You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN
Sportscenter, and MTV News.
* Random hook-ups are no longer acceptable.
* You wear more ties/skirts in a week than you even owned while
taking classes.
* You find yourself reminiscing fondly of two-hour calculus
exams.
* You empathize with the characters from 'Friends".
* METABOLISM SLOWS DOWN
* Football "season tickets" go from $75.00 for the season with
dozens of friends to $750.00 for the season with the three
other guys who want to get away from the family.
* Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.
* You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
* Grocery lists contain relatively healthy food.
* When drinking, you say at least once per night, "I just can't
put it down the same as I used to."
* You are the only person over the age of sixteen in your
neighborhood with a Sega.