Redneck quickies 38


You might be a redneck if...


You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.


You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.


You can chew your own toenails.


You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.


You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.


Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.


You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.


You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn't spit it out.


Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.


You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.


Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.


Your mama has more tattoos than you do.


You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.


Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.


You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year old.


Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.


You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.


Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.


You consider your annual bath one too many.


You wore a baseball cap to the opera.

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