President's Speech in Ebonics

The following statement has been translated into Ebonics. Good evening. (Yo Yo
Yo, s'up?). This afternoon in this room, from this chair, I testified before the
Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. (Today at my crib these
suckers and playa-haters started grillin' a brotha). I answered their questions
truthfully, including question about my private life, questions no American
citizen would ever want to answer. (Dey started frontin' about my game and
asking all kinds of fowl sh-t). Still, I must take complete responsibility for
all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you
tonight. (I'm tired of these haters throwing salt in my game. I'm going to let
yall know my Mackin style tonight). As you know, in a deposition in January, I
was asked questions about my relationship with Monica Lewinsky. While my answers
were legally accurate, I did not volunteer information. (Awhile back, you nosey
motherfu-ers wanted to know if I was hittin' hoe-ass Monica's skins. You ain't
got any video, so if you want to believe a $10 hoe then oh well).
Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Levwinsky that was not appropriate.
In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a
personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible.
(Yeah, I was hittin' that dime dropping Bit-h! She was only sucking my jammie
though. I was stupid for messing with a young big mouthed skank. My bad, but
don't hate me because I'm a playa). But I told the grand jury today and I say to
you now that at no time did I ask anyone to lie, to hide or destroy evidence.
(Outside of that hit I told punk-ass AG (Al Gore) to put on gay-ass Star, Monica
and her snitching friend, I was chill the whole time).
I can only tell you I was motivated by many factors. First, by a desire to
protect myself from the embarrassment of my own conduct. (Check dis, I heard she
was down with what ever, you know a freak ass beiach. She wasn't all that but I
planned to pimp her around to my boyz in the Senate). The independent counsel
investigation moved on to my staff and friends, then into my private life. And
now the investigation itself is under investigation. (Those haters started
sweatin' my homeys and my peeps. Dey pissed a nugga off when they tried to make
me look like I'm not real or somefin. Matter of fact dey shady asses is on the
take anyway).
This has gone on too long, cost too much and hurt too many innocent people.
(Tryin' to hit me they wasted a lot of Cheddar and pissed off my Crew). Nothing
is more important to me personally. But it is private, and I intend to reclaim
my family life for my family. It's nobody's business but ours. (I'm a pimp and
playa and I'm going to be one, dey can�t change a nugga! Get some businesses.
Hillary is chill because I got more than enough White Water dirt on her ass that
will get her sent up before I'm outtied).
It is time to stop the pursuit of personal destruction and the prying into
private life and get on with our national life. (Get off my jock because I'm
going to flex regardless. Just in case yall forgot until you chumps ax me I'm
still the sh-t!) Now it is time - in fact, it is past time - to move on. (F-k
all yall, I don't give an f-k! Peace out!!!)