One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm

One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm. Being a helpful guy, John tells him there's a new robot in a store down the road that, if you pour your urine into it and insert a dollar bill, it will diagnose any illness that you may have. Hardly believing what he was told, Bob pees into the cup and goes to the store to check it out for himself. Sure enough, there was this robot all new and shiny. So he inserts a dollar bill, and pours his urine into a special receptacle. The robot starts beeping, and seconds later prints out a piece of paper that reads.

"You have a simple sprain. Put a cold compress on your arm and avoid heavy lifting, and your arm will get better in a week"

Bob is amazed at how advanced technology has become, and immediately starts thinking about ways to beat the robot. When he gets home, he shares the news with his wife and daughter and asks them to pee into the cup, to which they happily oblige. He then walks over to the kitty litter box, picks up the poop and places it into the cup with the urine. He then mixes the concoction with tap water and for good measure, beats one off right into the cup. The next day he returns to the store, inserts a dollar bill, and pours his entire concoction into the receptacle. After the customary beeps, the robot prints out an even longer piece of paper. It reads:

" 1.Your tap water has too much iron. Buy a filter.

2.Your cat has worms. Take it to a vet.

3.Your daughter shoots up heroin. Take her to rehab ASAP.

4.Your wife is pregnant, and you're not the father. Get a good lawyer.

5.And lastly, if you don't stop jerking off, your arm will never get better"