Olympic Ice Skating

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he
skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some
excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume,
skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not
technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow
and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying

The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: United States 5.9: Ireland

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with
his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and
bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces
then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over
again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0: Ireland

The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How the hell
can you give that mess 6.0?!"

To which the Irish judge replies "You've gotta remember, it's damn slippery
out there."

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