Old jokes about Russians ..from Soviet times... from Lithuania.

Few Days after Jurij Gagarin went to space and was the first human who ever made it into space, in a small village a man is visiting his neighbour.

"Jonai ! Did you read that ? The Russians now went into Space!"

his neighbour got big eyes, happiness came over his face and he asked back:

"Really ? All of them !? "
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Few years after occupation the Russian premier minister went to Lithuania and tested their Sausages. It tasted way better then his standard Moscow sausages, so he called Moscow sausage factory director to immediately learn the recipe.

The Director went to Lithuania and got the technology presented.

Exited he called the prime minister !

"Mr. Prime Minister ... you wont believe it ... they ...they put MEAT into sausages !"

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An Technical advise partner from Japan is visiting Russia.

Exited local major is calling Moscow, asking for Instructions what to do with the high value visitor, the connection is bad.

The Japanese is sitting in the neighbour-room with secretary and all he is hearing is

"ALIO ? ALIO ? "
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"THIS IS PETROV IVANOV ! ALIO ?"
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"LISTEN, I HAVE THE JAPANESE HERE, ALIO ?"
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" WHAT ? I CANT HEAR YOU ? "
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"SPEAK LAUDER BLIAT, ALIO ? KURWA BLIAT CANT YOU SPEAK
LAUDER ?"
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the Japanese silently and gently asks the secretary:

"How far is the Person, to who the Major is speaking"

"och, about 50 km"

"wuau" wonders the Japanese "why is he not using an Phone then?"

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An Lithuanian Farmer is visiting Russia, and is wondering why the people have no food, but such big fields without getting any Use from them.

"Guys" asks the Lithuanian, "Is the Grain not growing here?"

"No", sadly answer the hungry russians.

"interesting" grumbles the Lithuanian, and the Corn ? the Corn should probably grow here good !"

"no", sadly answer the russians.

"that can't bee" wonders the Lithuanian, "but listen, Potatoes, they basically grow everywhere where you seed them!"

"pfff" answer the russians, "well if somebody would seed them then, maybe .... who knows..."

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German, French and Russian lady are meeting and talking about differences in cultures.

"Well, i have 3 pair of underwear", says the French Lady
" for morning, evening and night"

"Well, i have 7" says the German Lady
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday ......"

"Well" says the Russian woman , "i have twelve"
"January, February, March..."