[NSFWish] A boy was walking along the docks one day and came across a pirate ship...

He looked up and admired, in complete amazement, the beauty of the massive ship with all of the details and marks of a real life pirate ship. As if this wasn't enough, the boy then noticed a man sitting by the ship with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. He went up to the man and asked, teeming with excitement, "Excuse me sir, but is this your ship!?" The old man replied, "Why yes me boy, this be my ship." The boy then followed up with, "So are you a pirate!!??" The man looked at the young boy and replied, "Yes young lad, I am!" Filled with glee, the boy could hardly contain himself. He then asked the pirate, "Sir, if you don't mind me asking, how did you get your peg leg?" The pirate said "Well, we where in a Great War with another ship, battling on the high seas!" The boys eyes filled with excitement. "There were men everywhere and the other ship fired a cannon ball, and it took off me leg when it landed on the ship!". The boy couldn't believe his ears. "Wow that's amazing!" He exclaimed, "How did you get the hook!?". The old man replied, with more enthusiasm while reliving his glory days, "It was another great battle, this time against old Black Beard and his crew of scurvy scoundrels, one of those men cut off me hand with his sword!". The boy was so excited he couldn't believe he met a real life pirate! He said to the man, "Unbelievable! That's so crazy! How did you get your patch eye!?". The old man suddenly grew silent and a look of sadness came over his face, "Well my boy, a seagull shit in me eye." The boy was confused, "What!? I don't understand, how did a bird pooping in your eye do that to you?" The old man look at the boy and replied, "The hook was new!"