[NSFW] Rumours started that the devil has been spotted in a hidden cave somewhere in Africa...

...The interest in these rumours rose and attracted the attention of USA, China and Russia. They sent their best spies to investigate the case. Months passed until they found the secret entrance to the cave. Surprisingly, the devil was expecting them. He acted as he admired their courage to face him and since they had no weapons at that time he gave them the chance to return tomorrow with the best they could find.
The next day the Chinese spy came first. He brought a revolver as he wanted to be as mobile as possible. However, the devil knew the secrets of the human mind and totally overwhelmed him with his psionic abilities even before the spy could react. The devil decided to play a nasty game and made the Chinese choose - either send his immortal soul to hell until the end of time or let him live, but only if he sticks the revolver into his ass. The spy chose the second without hesitation and stuffed the pistol deep into his butt. Tears of pain appeared on his face, but at least he was saved.
The Russian spy came second...with a shotgun... The exact same thing followed and the poor guy had to choose between burning in hell or ... well, you already know. This time the Russian took quite some time to think through the possibilities but still chose the second. He began with the procedure. He knew it was going to be long and painful. Tears from the unknown to him pain flowed from his eyes. Halfway through though, he suddenly started laughing. He started laughing and crying, laughing and crying. The devil had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on. He asked the spy what was the reason for this strange behavior - why would one cry and laugh at the same time?
Through tears of pain and joy the Russian grunted:
- I am crying because the shotgun is so big that it has nearly torn my ass apart and I am laughing, because I just remembered that the American spy is coming with a tank.