All my co-workers work really hard and I love busting their balls by telling them (jokingly of course) that they aren't even working hard. I have used my jokes to wits end and need some good one liners.
By one liners, the scene in grumpy old men comes to mind. They are in the bait shop and one of the two men says he hasn't caught anything, to which the other replies "you couldn't catch crabs from a $10 hooker."
I'm looking for something similar.
My dad had a good one too. We'd be playing a video game and he would come in and wait for us to fuck something up and spout out, "you can't even play the radio."
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