My favorite Gilbert Gottfried joke (paraphrased)

A man gets a call late one night, waking him.

"Sir, this is Dr. Johnson from the hospital, your wife has been in a terrible accident. We were able to save her, but she suffered total paralysis below the neck. For the rest of her life, you will have to feed her, bathe her, and dress her. She will have no control of her bowels whatsoever. She will urinate and defecate on herself uncontrollably."

The man begins to sob uncontrollably. "How could this happen to me? I have been a good Christian, I gave to charity, and have done my best to be a good man, and this is how I am repaid??"

The doctor begins to chuckle, "Sir, I'm just messing with you, your wife was killed instantly."

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