Mutilated X-Mas Carols

(To the tune of Deck The Halls)


See that drag queen his name's Molly.


Fa La La La La La La La La


For 50 bucks he'll make you jolly.


Fa La La La La La La La La


See him in his gay apparel.


Fa La La La La La La La La


You should meet his brother Carol.


Fa La La La La La La La La


(To The Tune Of We Wish You A Merry Christmas)


We wish you a happy hearing,


we wish you a happy hearing,


We wish you a happy hearing,


and we hope you make bail!


(To The Tune Of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer)


Rudolph the red nosed wino,


Had a very shiny nose,


And if you got too close to him,


He would take off his clothes.


All of the other winos,


Used to laugh and call him names,


They never let poor Rudolph,


Join in any wino games.


Then one chilly Christmas Eve,


Rudolph froze to death in an alley.


End of story.


(To The Tune Of Silent Night)


Friday night,


Holy night


Me and my chick


got into a fight,


Boy I miss her now that she's gone,


I go and visit her at Forest Lawn,


Sleep in heavenly peace...


Sleep in heavenly peace.


(To The Tune Of Frosty The Snowman)


Frosty the cokehead was a crazed neurotic soul,


With a big glass pipe and a vial of crack,


And no sense of self control.


There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,


For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.


Frosty the cokehead doesn't worry anymore,


Cuz when all is said,


and your cold and dead,


Then you never have to score.


(To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town)


Oh you better not shout,


you better not cry, You better not pout,


I'm tellin' you why,


Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.


He's walkin' real slow,


he slurs when he speaks,


I don't even think he's shaved in two weeks,


Daddy's home and boy is he drunk,


He spent most of our money on Johnny Walker Black


And then he took all of the rest and lost it at the track.


Sooooooo.... You better not pout,


you better not cry,


I don't like that look in his eye,


Daddy's home and I think he's....


Daddy's home and boy is he.......


Daddy's home and he's really drunk!