Many years ago, I was passing a church in San Antonio, Texas.

There in the courtyard was a large statue of Jesus, and praying to the statue was a wealthy Texas rancher. These are the words I heard him say,

"Jesus! Please help me! My Cadillacs are all in the shop. My oil wells have run dry. My cattle got the blight. My Internal Revenue Service is after me..."

And so forth. This man had a litany of problems. So he hears a noise on the other side of the statue. He gets up and he walks around. There's a little bitty Mexican, down on his knees, praying to the same statue of Jesus. And the Mexican is saying,

"Jesus, please help me. My wife is pregnant. We already have twelve children. I've just lost my job. Now we're going to lose the house. Now I learn that my wife is sick. I don't know what I'm going to do."

So the wealthy Texas rancher gets up, and he takes out his billfold, and he takes a hundred dollar bill out of his billfold, and he hands it across to the little Mexican. And he says,

"Here you go, little buddy... Don't be bothering Jesus with that shit!"

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I copied this verbatim from a Kinky Friedman live album. It's funnier on the album than in plain text.