Limericks in the key of brown

These are collected from a weekend's worth of poop limericks my friends and I were exchanging on the spacebooks. I'll add more as they get added.

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There once was a man from Peru

Who found something gross in his shoe.

It was smelly and brown

And made the man frown

When he realized the thing was a poo.

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There once was a crazy old limey,

who had a pickup quite shiny.

His truck was bright red,

Except for the bed,

Since that's where he emptied his hiney.

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There was once a bumpy old road,

Down which old man Jenkins had drove.

'Twas unfortunate fate,

Mr. Jenkins had ate

Enough beans to make him drop a load.

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Old Jenkins knew it wouldn't last

as the chance to pull over had passed.

He felt a strong urge

his bowels would purge

As he hit the speed bump way too fast.

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There once was a restaurant quite regal,

That became a hassle for Legal,

For into their soup,

One had poured such a goop,

That was made up of all things fecal!

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The man dug a wide shallow hole

And deposited a load like a coal

He was happy at first

But things just got worse

When he realized he'd misplaced his roll.

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Remember William Hung?

On American Idol he sung.

He sang like a goat,

Because down his throat,

Is where Simon Cowell put all his dung.

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There once was a beagle named Snoopy,

Whose owner was constantly poopy.

The kids could all tell,

Because of the smell,

When Charlie Brown's trousers were droopy.

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There once was a baseball-mad Brit,

Who never could manage a hit.

He struck out again,

And just past the bullpen,

He slipped in a big pile of shaaaaving cream!

Be nice and clean!

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There once was a lady from Richmond,

A mean-hearted, angry old bitchmond.

Her poops were so wide,

They became the state's pride,

And they charged twenty dollars admishmond.

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Let me tell you bout old man McTeases:

He had a bad case of the sneezes.

He sneezed once so hard

His anus was scarred

And it looked like something by Reese's.

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There once was a man named Pierre,

Who was frugal with his derrière.

He would simply just wipe

Using one or two swipes

And would keep it to only one square.

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Hear now of old Ebeneezer,

He was a nasty old geezer!

Once, in a foul mood,

He ate rabbit food,

And his dooks came out just like Malteasers!

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Did you hear about ol' Mao Zedong,

He had trouble controlling his bung!

When he read Karl Marx,

His brain sent off sparks

And his bottom exploded with dung.

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There once was a man from Woonsocket

Who always had pills in his pocket.

When his belly got sore,

He'd take three or four

And dookies would shoot like a rocket.

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There was an old man with a hat

Whose belly was jolly and fat.

He heard of a diet

And thought he would try it

Poop doodoo caca dook scat.

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There was an old man from Darjeeling,

Whose habits were quite unappealing.

If the sign on the door

Said: 'Don't shit on the floor',

He'd flip over and shit on the ceiling.

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The lady from Al Jazeera,

She'd make food that'd give you the fear-a,

That when you sat down,

If the brown starts to crown,

You'd erupt with massive SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

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My best Indian friend Suri,

Will cook food with assloads of curry.

Then on the toilet you'll sit,

And out comes a shit,

That looks like a chocolate McFlurry!

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A man who was built like a stick,

Had an awfully disgusting trick,

Crouched on his knees,

He'd eat pounds of cheese

And his bottom would pop out a brick.

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A dog I knew went by the name rover,

And whenever he found fields of clover,

He hunt for four leaves

Then sniff out the breeze

And release a brown cloud of his odor.

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The President has lots of power.

That's why he shits in the shower.

He don't give a hoot,

Once it's out of his chute,

But his plumber is surly and dour.

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KFC sells a shit ton of chicken.

But the recipe just might you sicken.

They rub every bird,

With a freshly ground turd.

Sure it's gross, but it's so finger-lickin'.

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There was a commander-in-chief

Who put a big log in his brief

He should have worn Pampers

'Cause once in the hamper

It caused his wash-lady some grief.

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The president went to the kitchen

To cure an insatiable itchin'

He let out a dook

And said to the cook

"Clean this shit up and then quit yer bitchin"

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The president said "what a view

Up here where the sky is so blue!"

He let out a strain,

Then said "change the name

Of this plane to Air Force number TWO!"

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Remember the dictatorial leader?

The one that was oh such a feeder?

He'd eat sausage and kraut,

then let out such a shout,

when his keyster turned into a bleeder.

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The president said with a stutter

"Puh puh please hand me the puh putter."

The caddy replied

As he stepped to the side

"You're leaking a bit of butt butter."

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In long-ago times lived a wizard,

who made potions with livers and gizzards.

He fed the foul king,

whose rear started to sting,

then erupted in a mighty brown blizzard.

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As a candidate, Lincoln quite feared,

His bald face would be soundly jeered.

He pooped his hands brown,

And spread it around,

On his chin and he called it a beard.

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Remember President Taft?

As big as an inflatable raft!

Till the Great Weight Loss Day,

When with a Prune Juice Puree,

He emptied his monstrous aft.

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Poor old president Lincoln

Went out for a night of hard drinkin'

He awoke the next morn

with his bed filled with corn

and announced "these sheets sure are stinkin'!"

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I heard once of president Roosevelt

Who does what a president doesevelt

His gut was all swollen

'Cause he busted his colon

and messed up all of his clothesevelt.