Lawyer Jokes

What's the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments?


It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.


Why should lawyers be buried 100 feet deep?


Because deep down, they're really good people.


What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?


Japanese language lessons for lawyers.


Why do lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?


So they can park in the handicapped parking; it's proof of a moral disability.


How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?


Because after they die, they lie still.


What is a criminal lawyer?


Redundant.


What are lawyers good for?


They make used car and life insurance salesmen look good.


What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?


A doberman pinscher.


What did the lawyer name his daughter?


Sue.


What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested?


An accomplice.


What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested?


A lawyer.


What do you call 10,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?


A good start.


How can you tell when your lawyer is lying?


His lips move.


How do you save a drowning lawyer?


Take your foot off his head.


How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?


Cut the rope.


What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?


Not enough cement.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of cow manure?


The bucket.


Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses?


From chasing parked ambulances.


If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?


It might be your bicycle.


Where can you find a good lawyer?


In the city morgue.


What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?


An offer you can't understand.