Latest News on the Scandal

In the aftermath of the initial administration responses to the breaking
story, it seems apparent that Mr. Clinton has left a bad taste in Lewinsky's
mouth. A growing majority is finding the President's story hard to swallow,
noting that it appears quite evident that Monica was influenced by some sort of
Presidential �gag order.�
The First Lady, the recognized steward of the President's power base, is
reported to be afraid that Lewinsky has blown everything. Vernon Jordan is
reported to have suggested that Ms. Lewinsky approach the President with a stiff
upper lip for the time being, and is quite upset at how much damage her wagging
tongue seems to have done.
Meanwhile, the White House staff is engaged in a furious search for Richard
Nixon's tape erasing machine, last seen on loan to the offices of the Rose Law
Firm in Little Rock. In an effort of goodwill, however, the administration has
extended an invitation to Ms. Lewinsky for an exclusive guided tour of the
Capital City's national parks one night next week.
Ms. Lewinsky's attorney has chided the mainstream media for taking out of
context a comment by her close friends that she once said, �she wanted to head
the Oval Office someday.� Defending his client as a victim, he said that �...
this oral sex thing really has her choked up, you know.�
Mr. Starr, the independent prosecutor investigating the case, remains unmoved,
and has made it clear that to avoid criminal liability she, Ms. Lewinsky will be
required to give a complete blow-by-blow description of her relationship with
Mr. Clinton.
Chelsea Clinton, when asked for her opinion of the woman who stands to
dethrone her father, simply replied, �She sucks!�
In a related story, a truck bomb scare in the front driveway of the White
House resulted in the evacuation of the building until Secret Service agents
ascertained that the Ryder van parked in the drive was just Tipper Gore waiting
out front with her furniture....