Jokes For Women Only

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?


- The man.


Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?


- When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.


What do you call a handcuffed man?


- Trustworthy.


Why are men like commercials?


- You can't believe a word they say.


Why are men like popcorn?


- They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


Why are men like blenders?


- You need one, but you're not quite sure why.


Why do so many women fake orgasm?


- Because so many men fake foreplay.


Why are women so bad at mathematics?


- Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.


What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?


- Most men have no trouble finding a bar.


What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?


- Sex.


What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?


- When the power goes off.


What do men and women have in common?


- They both distrust men.


How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?


- Guilt gifts are nicer.


What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?


- His wife is good at picking out clothes.


How is a man like the weather?


- Nothing can be done to change either one of them.


What is the difference between a man and childbirth?


- One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.


Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.


- What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.


What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?


- Slow.


What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?


- They're married.


What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?


- An insurance company.


Why don't men often show their true feelings?


- Because they don't have any.


Why do men have a hole in their penis?


- So oxygen can get to their brains.


What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?


- A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.


What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?


- Castrated.


What's the difference between government bonds and men?


- Bonds mature.


What's the difference between a man and E.T.?


- E.T. phoned home.