You die and goes to heaven.
Arriving at the pearly gates, you are greeted by St. Peter.
"Welcome to heaven!"
Behind the gates, all you can see is clocks. Clocks as far as the eye can see.
And they're all going at different speeds. Some very slow, some with hands spinning quickly.
"Um, Peter, I have a question; what's with all the clocks?"
"Oh, well, everyone on Earth has a clock. Each time you masturbate, the hands on the clock moves."
Turning red-faced, you ask "Which one belongs to me?"
"Yours is right there", Peter says, "Don't worry, yours moves as much as anyone elses".
"I have a friend back on Earth, (Insert friends name here), where is his/hers?"
"Oh, (name)? Theirs is in the back room. We use it as a fan."
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